*What’s
not to like?
Someone asked me yesterday
how I feel about being criticized.
Simple: I don’t like it,
but I’m not against it. 😰
The question came in the
passive construction, deliberately obscuring the action’s source. This forced a
vague answer.
Because (and this is key)
it depends on WHO is doing the criticizing.
After the initial sting, I
think I usually can tell if this person is coming from a helpful place, and let
me tell you— it matters. A lot.
When suggestions for
improvement come from a loving unselfish place, they are golden. Don’t get me
wrong. No Pollyanna, I. It never feels good in the immediate aftermath. Never.
But some time after, as
soon as a few hours, these offerings are gifts.
One thing that distinguishes
the loving criticisms are if they are something one can change. This is
pivotal.
If words point to unchangeable
things, they are not well meant. Forget about 'em as soon as you can. Toss ’em to
the wastepaper basket at the edge of the universe. Go on, act it out. Print
those words, crumble the paper, and give it your best basketball throw into the
garbage.
But the actionable ones
coming from someone who is a fan/friend/faithful family— count these as fabulous. Because your “F” today is a chance at an A+ tomorrow.
6 comments:
I have found that my silence is criticism in itself. If I don't say anything, the other person already knows I don't like it. lol. My mom's way of criticizing something she didn't like would be to say, "That's interesting." That's akin to being told "you look fine" when you ask someone how you look after getting all dressed up hoping to hear, "You look great!"
Good perspective. None of us are perfect. It's good to have people who love us enough to want to help us improve. But you're absolutely right---it's not easy.
I used to be super sensitive to criticism of my writing. But I learned, as you did, to decide how useful it was and to consider the source. Constructive criticism from the right person is golden.
Yes, the source of the criticism makes a huge difference. Some people are not able to be helpful, while I have no problem with criticism from certain people.
Love,
Janie
I appreciate constructive criticism from certain people. I ask for it so that I can make my work better. On the other hand, I never appreciated my mother’s carping, for it did not lead to improvement in the family.
I'm so grateful for the people who steer me on the right path, in writing and in life. But yes, there's resistance. It's not easy when I'm trying to make changes. But afterwards...happy sigh.
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