Self-doubt is not only an important part of an artist’s toolkit;
it’s an essential aspect of being a good person, striving to do better. I think
guilt serves a similar function.
Where both get a bad rap is when they exceed the boundaries of
righting function and become wrecking balls. Being wrecked with self-doubt or
wrecked by guilt deserves the boot.
Not helpful, get outta here, you’re only doing damage.
This
post on the usefulness of self-doubt got me thinking. I was amid second
drafting a novel and experiencing something I hadn’t before at that stage. I was
liking my first draft.
It read well. How can this be? First drafts are not supposed
to read this well. Have I lost my whatever it is that makes writers able to improve
on what is, let’s face it, only the first draft?
I was having
self-doubts about not having self-doubts.
No worries. About a third way in, my first draft showed itself
to be a mess in need of urgent triage and surgical repair. I was back to normal
self-doubting me, and both breathing and heart rate stabilized.
Self-examination, acknowledging wrongs, attempting repairs
and trying to do better are great tools. Just don’t let them go amok, because
then they think they are the boss and will, if you let them, kill you.
Everything in moderation, Maimonides said. This eight-hundred-
and fifty-year-old advice has aged well.
3 comments:
You made me laugh because you worried when the writing was going well. Only a few stories have come to me fully, and when they do, it's such a gift. The rest of the time, it's a struggle, but a happy struggle.
As you say, moderation is the key. A few things I have confidence about, but not most things.
Self-doubt makes me a better writer because it makes me look for everything I can do to make my work the best it can possibly be.
Love,
Janie
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