Creeps and Crawlers

The other day I noticed an unfamiliar charge on my card. I monitor my account closely, so I spotted it while it was still pending. I called the bank, thinking this could be a benign mistake. They put the transaction in the ‘to be investigated’ virtual pile.

Two days later an even larger charge from the same purveyor (the bank was unable to get any information on them) appeared. Now the bank and I were clear this was fraud, and that my charge account had been compromised. The account was closed immediately, and now it’s in the hands of the Fraud Department.

That same day the ants appeared. They make their yearly appearance when the rainy season starts, forming a dense parade route somewhere in our bathroom or kitchen. The rains started late this year, so the ants came late also. Over the years I have tried many gentle ways to persuade them to take their business outside. I tried pouring cinnamon in their path, on the advice of an animal activist. I tried the sort of ant traps that supposedly only make them uneasy, and I tried wiping a hundred times a minute. I even tried talking to them. Nothing worked.

But the solution did appear in the form of those traps that make the ants come in, take the sticky sweet food on their backs to the nest, and this kills the whole nest. It takes about a day to work, but it does, every time. We don’t see each other until the next rainy season at least.

A day later the ants are gone from our bathroom, but the charges on my card are still pending. I trust that I will not have to pay them, and because I acted quickly, even the bank will not be out. But the creeps deserve no less than the creepy crawlers got.

So I had this amazing idea. What if instead of just closing their account with a slap on the wrist, the bank gave them money, even more money, sweet and sticky money that was marked as loot from a deadly robbery? Then, once in their possession, they will be arrested for the worst kind of crime, put away, and the key thrown in the ocean.

All right. I’m fantasizing. But it does me good at the moment. It’ll be a much more just world if innocent ants get to live free (but not at our homes) and creepy thieves get their nests poisoned.

Wishing all good folks none of the above.